Babe, do you believe me now? Let me recap for you some of the 537 reasons why AUDACITY IS THE ANSWER...
Right now, you're banking that resentment hard. You're almost full to the brim of it. You know that feeling as well as I do. That deferring to the preferences of people you love and care about, thinking you're doing them a favour. Wondering when you’ll get the credit. Silently seething. Less silently seething. Until eventually, raging.
Straight facts- putting yourself at the bottom of the list, over and over, it’s not just eroding your soul, it’s putting the people you claim to care about in an impossible situation. You’re building up a huge expectation for them to somehow validate your kindness. By going easy on you, by praising you, by cutting you some slack... and when they don’t, you’re gonna let them have it.
All the while, they’ve assumed you’re happy to help them out. They’re blissfully ignorant of the poison brewing in your belly- or wherever you feel that tension. Perhaps your jaw, chest, back. For me, it’s a heaviness in my legs- like my body is shouting, don’t go towards the thing you don’t really wanna do! And I’m dragging myself there anyway.
Our lack of audacity, our deference and timidity erode trust in our relationships, with each other, and with ourselves. You’re not doing anyone any favours with your “I don’t mind”, or “sure, whatever” when you don’t mean it.
Of course you barely know what you mean any more, because you’re so used to it not counting for anything, you’ve stopped paying attention to your dreams and desires.
I wonder- what would you dare to ask for if you knew the answer would be YES? Really think on that babes.
Because your boldness supports EVERYONE. Not just because you’re having integrity when you’re having courageous conversations, but because you’re giving others permission to expand into more of themselves.
Right now, you may be dragging others into a black hole with you. Perhaps your partner, peers or pals. You demonstrate- THIS is what a good parent/ business owner/ friend/ human looks like. This. Shrinking ourselves away from joy, peace, fulfilment. “Martyrdom is the way!!” unintentional motto of your existence, with daily races to the bottom because my life is harder and bleaker and I’d rather prove that to be true than allow things to improve... we’ve lost our minds gals.
This is before we even get to the impact we are having on the women who will come after us. The ones who will wonder- why is it STILL like this to be a woman. When we’ve had the vote, and the equal pay act for such a long time, why has it been left to us to claim true equality in the way we live our lives? What were our mothers, aunties and granddaughters doing putting up with this crap?!
They will lament our acceptance of the division of labour, lower wages, the neverending criticism of our appearances, the idea that our worth is directly related to our financial productivity...
We cannot be passing this on. Women before us have made huge strides to get us here. And now we sit on our faux equity for a quiet life- quiet, because it is half lived, and barely loved.
Babe- you DESERVE to feel good. To live the life of your dreams. It’s NOT too much to ask, to be in receipt of peace, joy abundance of all kinds...